Hate That I Love You
by JMLuna
Summary: Cassandra and Severus are in their sixth year at Hogwarts. They have been romantically involved for about a year now so you would think the relationship would get easier right?Will they let their immense differences get in their way?


Severus sat leaning against a tree, looking at Cassandra. The sun was starting to set, the yellows and oranges in the sky mingling and playing with her hair so that the copper tint shone through. Normally, to those that didn't take the time to see, Cassandra's hair seemed nothing more than dark brown. Only when the sun was very bright or setting that you could see the variety of colors in her hair. He longed to take a strand of it and roll it between his fingers. Sometimes he let himself. Right now, he couldn't. He wasn't meant to be content.

He frowned, he shouldn't have let that moment of weakness lead to this, to them. If he had known that one kiss would have led to anything more than a few years of awkwardness between the two he would not have given into curiosity.

"If I have told you once I have told you a dozen times it cannot be." He almost smiled when her eyes flashed. She could have quite a temper for a Hufflepuff.

"Severus." She sighed as she looked into his dark eyes. They were like black holes sucking her in.

"I am tired of hiding our relationship. You won't be seen in public with me much." She let an exasperated sigh out. "You won't attend a Hufflepuff party with me at our common room and you won't let me attend a Slytherin party neither."

She stood up quickly with a grace surprising for someone of such short stature. Of course, he had also seen her be quite clumsy. She was a conundrum.

"We've been together a year now!" She practically yelled. "The initial shock with the other students has worn off. I don't even get jinxed much anymore."

He frowned. "You wouldn't have been jinxed at all if you weren't going out with me."

"Well, of course one must always listen to the Marauders about who we should or should not date or befriend." She said her tone of voice mocking.

He raised an eyebrow. "Cassandra…. You know that out of all people, I would be the last to say this, but it cannot be."

She glared. "Are you ashamed of me?"

Severus was shocked. "Of course not, why would I be? If anyone should be ashamed, it's you of me."

That always deflated her temper. She sighed looking up at him as he had stood up when she had and he was quite a bit taller than her. Her hand reached up to his face to run her fingers over his face but he turned away before she could and did not see the hurt in her eyes. Why did he have to be so closed off to her, so cold?

"I will not have you associating with the likes of them." Severus told her.

"You do!" Sometimes he just made her want to pull out her hair.

"They are my house mates and ex house mates. I had no choice in the matter. As soon as that hat said those words those were the people I was meant to befriend."

"Obviously not or we would not be together."

"That was a mistake."

She gasped. "Well…" Clearing her throat she turned away. She would not shed a tear in front of him, not one. "I see."

He laid his hand on her shoulder for a moment, and then dropped it again. "That was not what I meant. You know I…. You know how I feel about you."

"Do I? Have you ever told me?"

Severus blinked. He had never put his feelings into words, but surely she must know. Why else would he have let their relationship be known at Hogwarts when he knew she would become a target to the infernal Marauders as soon as it they found out about it? Well of course he would have kept it a secret if her friend had not caught them snogging and proceeded to let the world know. And would she let them deny it? No, she would not.

Why else would he have let her meet his mother? Why else would he have told her about his father? He supposed that had been necessary. If he hadn't told Cassandra how repulsive he was, she would have found a way to meet him. Why must she be so damned curious? Why must she want to know every aspect of everything? He couldn't have had a more frustrating relationship if he had dated someone in his own house.

"You will not attend a Slytherin party. You're too…"

"Naïve? Dumb?"

"You're too good! They would eat you up before you could say _confundus_."

"I can take care of myself quite well." Her voice quivered in a mix of anger and hurt. "I've been doing for years before I got up the nerve to talk to you."

He put his hand on her shoulder and turned her around. He leaned over and brushed his lips against hers. She sighed. The corner of his lip raised slightly in the only type of smile she had ever seen him give. "You are the epitome of what a Hufflepuff is and snakes have been known to eat a badger or two."

She tried to glare at him but couldn't. She couldn't stay mad at him when he tried, even if it was through a chaste little kiss.

She sighed. "Fine." But this is far from over, she thought.

"Good. Let's go. The light will be gone soon, and even I wouldn't be able to get us away from everything that lurks in the Forbidden Forest after dark."

They walked out of the edge of the Forbidden Forest, past Hagrids' cabin and towards the castle. He walked her all the way to the still life painting that lead into the Hufflepuff common room. They had gotten used to the stares of the other students who wondered what a sweet little Hufflepuff like Cassandra was doing with a Slytherin. Besides, most of the students had gotten used to the oddness that was their relationship and had stopped staring a long time ago.

She smiled knowing she was doomed to disappointment. He would not kiss her in such a public place. As if reading her mind he leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on her cheek. She sighed. It was an improvement. Usually, he would just say "goodnight" and leave. 

After they said their goodnights, Cassandra entered the common room. Not wanting company, she walked towards the round doors that led to the dormitories, but Xenophilius Lovegood stopped her. She gave him a half smile. "Hello, Xeno."

"Cassandra, great timing just great!" he said excitedly. "I was just thinking about looking for you."

His light brown hair seemed stringier than usual which dulled the blonde highlights. His robe was full of buttons that advocated the saving of various creatures that probably did not exist. She rubbed the back of her neck, wondering what exactly he wanted this time. Last time, Xeno had dragged her into going with him to the lake to search for some water-based creature, the name of which she couldn't pronounce. After five hours of searching, she had succeeded in nothing except getting thoroughly wet and catching a cold. Severus had laughed at her when she had told him about it in detail, but, really, she couldn't let Xeno go wading around on his own. Besides, she felt a bit sorry for him. Nobody else paid any attention to him.

"Um, Xeno," she said hesitantly, "you know I enjoy our little outings in search of, creatures that are, uh, unknown to magizoology, but I don't much feel like taking a swim."

"Oh, no, no," he reassured her. "I have a lead to another animal that wouldn't set foot in a body of water!"

She wasn't sure if this was better or not. "Great?"

"I was just wondering if you'd ask your boyfriend if he would be so kind to lend us some books from the Slytherin common room. I think there may be a blibbering humdinger, living on the grounds, and I think that one of those books may contain information that could help me find it!"

Cassandra tried to look encouraging. He was after all the only student in the whole school who hadn't treated her like as if she were a Bundimun when word had gotten out that she was going out with Severus, but she honestly doubted that Salazar Slytherin would have bothered to write about something called a blibbering humdinger.

"I'll try my best but you know how possessive those Slytherin can be."

"Of course of course! All I need is a copy of the book with the list of magical animals from when Hogwarts was found and of Salazar Slytherin's third journal."

He went of muttering something that sounded like "crumple-horned snorkak" but she was sure she had misheard. Snorkak? Where did he get this stuff? She stepped through the round door, feeling bemused.

* * *

Wednesday morning, Cassandra sat at her usual desk near the back of the Potions classroom, with Charles Melbourne, a fellow Hufflepuff. Every now and again, Professor Slughorn would allow the students their own choice of what potion to make. It had been a while since he had done this, which made Cassandra hopeful that this would be one of those classes. Last time, Zerentina Zabini one of Slughorn's favorite students, had decided to experiment with Amortentia. The results had been disastrous.

Zabini had forgotten eye of newt, and had gone to the store cupboard to get it. Unfortunately she hadn't put a Stasis Charm on the potion while she was away from her desk, leaving the potion to simmer when it should not have been simmering. Her cauldron had exploded. Fortunately, Zabini's desk had caught most of the shrapnel, so no one had been badly hurt. Still, it had made an awful mess.

Professor Slughorn called the class to attention. "Students," he said cheerily, "today you may choose a potion of your own liking to make." He chuckled. "Let's try not to blow anything up, shall we?"

Cassandra turned on her cauldron after all of her supplies where in front of her. She had decided to invent an anti stress potion which had around the same effect as Draught of Peace but was made out of less expensive and less deadly ingredients. Hellebore is poisonous and she wanted to see if she could substitute it for something less toxic while still having the same effect.

Instead of syrup of hellebore she added syrup of physic nut which was known to be a purgative. She had spent a good portion of her free time manually extracting the syrup herself after adding that ingredient to her last order of potions ingredients. The powdered moonstone was substituted by powder of lithium quartz. She held her breath as she stirred the potion according to the usual instruction for the draught.

She was unsure if she should do this. Maybe using different ingredients would call for a counterclockwise stir instead of clockwise. She wished she had talked to Severus before experimenting like this. He was brilliant at potions, and probably could have given her useful advice. Finally, she finished stirring and sat back to let the potion simmer.

Slughorn approached the table. By now, the potion had finished simmering. It seemed to be the right color and consistency. Charles being a hopeless perfectionist was still chopping his ingredients.

"Well Mr. Melborne," said Professor Slughorn, "Why don't we try Ms. Arias' potion." He fetched a small goblet from his desk, ladled some of the potion into it and handed it to Charles.

Charles eyed the potion nervously. He knew Cassandra was experimenting; Slughorn didn't. Then, seeming to get up his nerve, he took the goblet and drank the contents in one swallow. Within minutes, he began to grow very calm. Unfortunately, he also began to turn blue.

Cassandra's eyes widened.

"Miss Arias!" shouted Slughorn, "what in the name of Merlin did you do?"

"I wanted to see if I could get similar effects from less expensive and toxic ingredients so I substituted them for ones that were so."

"Did I say you could experiment Ms. Arias?" A rigid Slughorn asked.

"No, sir but…"

Professor Slughorn cut her off.

"No buts, Miss Arias. I am the professor here, not you! Twenty points from Hufflepuff and detention next Saturday. And please take your housemate to the hospital wing. It's the least you can do." He walked off to check the other students' cauldrons.

Cassandra fumed as she packed up her things and escorted Charles out of the classroom. The potion had worked, but she had made a miscalculation. Turning someone blue was undesirable, but it was a harmless side effect. Zabini had been experimenting, and the explosion had been a result of her carelessness. Someone could have been badly hurt, yet Slughorn hadn't punished her. Stupid git, picking favorites because he thought they might be able to do him favors after they graduated. It just wasn't fair.

After classes had ended, Cassandra walked with Severus through the main entrance of the castle, muttering every curse word she could remember in every language she knew.

"Stupid Professor Slughorn with his high and mighty, I know who will be who attitude thinking he knows everything and picking stupid favorites," she complained.

Severus eyed her, curious and amused. "Now I must admit that Professor Slughorn isn't the best Slytherin has produced," he said, "but what, may I ask did you do?"

She glared, "I do? What did _I _do? Why in Merlin's name would you think _I _was the one to do something?"

Severus grinned. "Cassandra, if this year has thought me anything is that your curiosity is unparalleled."

She muttered something about what he could do with his assumptions.

"Yes, I experimented with a calming potion. Yes, I turned Charles blue but Zabini could have blown up the bloody potions room! I just had a little blue side effect is all, it still worked didn't it?!"

Severus laughed. "I am a bad influence on you, aren't I?" He sat down under a tree next to the lake, and Cassandra settled down beside him. "Of course you are easy to influence. Only you could have let Xeno Lovegood rope you into helping him search for mythical creatures."

She barely even registered his reply and kept on with her tirade while pacing back and forth from one tree to another.

"Stupid bloody Zabini! The girl has a brain the size of a bloody nut but can she do any wrong?"

Severus had learned not to even try to answer her questions when she was in one of her tempers.

"Of course not!" She yelled, "Her beauty is too grand for her to be able to."

Cassandra gave her wand a wave and blew up a rock a few feet from them. "What does the bloody git of a professor figure she will get him after she leaves Hogwarts?" She spinned on her heels glaring at Severus. "Did he take away points or give her detention when she blew up armortentia?"

"Amortentia for the love of Merlin! How does one blow up armortentia? It's such a damned stupid potion." She kicked the scattered pieces of stone out of the way and sighed, her temper was starting to subside. You could almost describe her as a firecracker, gorgeous explosion but quickly fizzles out.

She pouted as she sat next to him. "Did I tell you that Xeno cornered me last night asking me if I'd ask you to lend him some Slytherin books so he could find some blibbering something or another."

Severus raised an eyebrow giving her a half smile. It seemed she was screamed out for the moment. Of course she could be set off quite easily. "I assure you Salazar Slytherin had better things to do than search for a blibbering creature, much less write about it."

Cassandra shrugged. "I told him I'd ask, but I couldn't guarantee you'd lend it to me."

"Of course not."

Her head snapped towards him, her eyes set into slits. "Excuse you?"

"The books in Slytherin are not for eyes the likes of yours."

She glared at him. "Too dark for my sensibilities?"

He shrugged. "Of course."

"Oh, but you can of course read them." She scoffed.

"You and I are vastly different."

"Obviously as I hadn't even asked for them for myself yet you choose to deem the books too dark for me to even carry to someone else."

"Yes like you would be able to not take a look through the book while you were holding on to it for Lovegood."

Cassandra stood and stormed off. He followed suit. How could a person with such short legs walk so fast?

"Oh Cassandra, must you take everything so personally."

"It is personal when you think I'm not strong enough to handle what you can handle." She said as she walked away from him and towards the vegetable gardens.

In her frustration, Cassandra didn't notice the Marauders heading their way until it was too late.

"Well look who it is, Snivellus and his little pet Hufflepuff," Said Sirius Black. He was obviously in a good mood, which meant trouble.

"Is the Slytherin bothering his pet?" he needled them. "Has Arias finally seen sense and broken it off?"

"Shove off." Cassandra told him with a heated glare.

The Marauders laughed. James stood, leaning on his broom, with a smirk on his face. Lupin's expression was neutral. Then there was Peter Pettrigrew. Potter and Black were the ones who had caused her the most trouble, so it would be logical for her to hate them the most, but there was something about Pettigrew. For the first year or two, he had been decent, at least as decent as one of that little group could be, but it had become increasingly obvious that he relished the status that being one of the Marauders gave him. She couldn't stand the idolization in his eyes as he looked at the others with his little rat-like face.

"Seems you've turned the little Hufflepuff into quite the Slytherin." James looked at her. "Is that what you wanted to be? A Slytherin? And since you weren't sorted there you did the next best thing which is less than dating dirt quite clearly."

Peter laughed.

"Well if that's the best insult you have it's no wonder you were sorted for your brawn rather than your brain." She told James whose mocking smile faded into a frown.

"Leave her alone," said Severus. "It's me you have a problem with, not her."

"Aw, isn't it sweet? Snivellus protecting his little pet." Black said.

"Well he did ask so nicely." Potter added.

"Yes but doesn't mean we're going to listen to him." Black quickly put in.

To this Potter nodded his head in agreement which Black took as one of their known signs to each other.

Potter and Black raised their wands, Potter aiming Severus and Cassandra. Somehow their meetings with the Marauders always resulted in duels therefore Severus and Cassandra had their wands ready.

"_Petrificus Totalus!" _Potter and Black said simultaneously, James pointing his wand at Severus and Sirius at Cassandra.

Cassandra aimed her own wand and yelled, _"Expelliarmus." _

Severus pointed his at Potter yelling, _"Levicorpus." _Potter was instantly suspended in the air by his ankle before his spell could hit. This caused Potters' robes to come over his head and his orange briefs to show.

Unfortunately, Potters' spell did hit Severus, binding his entire body so that he could not move.

"Well isn't that cute. He protected his pet." Black said before Professor McGonagall appeared, wiping the grin off his face.

"What pray tell is going on here?!" McGonagall demanded.

"Potter was trying to curse Cassandra so I jinxed him before he could curse her," Severus explained. "He obviously has no respect for females."

Black glared at Severus.

"Snape tried to curse Sirius so I jinxed him before he could try any dark magic." Potter said matter of factly.

"You lying git!" Cassandra yelled. "He has not once in all these years of you all torturing him for no reason, not once has he done dark magic on you!"

"Because we haven't let him!" Black yelled back.

"Enough!" McGonagall exclaimed loudly. "Every single one of you in detention next Saturday."

"Thanks a lot Snivellus." Potter said. He turned to his friends. "Come on; let's see what Lily is doing."

Cassandra thought she saw a hurt look flash briefly in Severus's eyes but she wasn't quite sure. "Severus." She whispered.

He turned towards her a dark look in his eyes.

Why in Merlin's name did she bother to deal with all of this when she could just end it and be free of the looks, the sneers, the pranks? He would never be free but she so easily could. He would never understand why she stayed with him.

"I'm not good for you."

"Enough with the woe is me, I want to suffer alone crap!" Cassandra shouted at him. She kicked a rock, sending it flying. "Come find me when you've gotten over yourself." she said, and walked off in to look for Xeno.

* * *

The next day had been horrible for her. Severus had yet to go see her, she wasn't even halfway done with her potions essay and for some reason one of her fingers was turning blue which she was sure had to do with the hours of searching under boulders with Xeno.

Pouting, she walked through the Quidditch field which was not supposed to be currently in use or she would have gone to the opposite side of the castle. Unfortunately the Marauders seemed to be having a little unofficial practice. She turned around hoping to Merlin they had not seen her but her luck was sticking.

"It's the Slytherin lover." Peter yelled. They decided it would be fun to fly their brooms in a circle around her.

"I think I understand. It's the thrill dating a Slytherin brings even if it is such a cold one." Sirius taunted. She rolled her eyes.

"Well let's give her a thrill then." James said, as he swooped next to her getting her on his broom in less than a second and quickly circling his way up.

Her eyes were tightly closed and she was shaking. In their first year Hufflepuff and Gryffindor had flying lessons together. It seemed he still remembered how terrified she had been and that she had never quite mastered flying a broom. She did her best not to look down but her curiosity got the best of her. At that point they were hurtling in a circle toward the ground. Despite her best efforts her head started to spin and she lost her hold, falling off the broom.

James had put his broomstick into a dive, trying to catch Cassandra before she hit the ground but her body was falling faster than he could fly, and a minute later he heard a crack as she hit the ground. He quickly landed, sending a distraught Peter for a Professor. He paled as he saw her arm was out of its shoulder socket and there was a slight trickle of blood on the side of her head. They were sure she was still alive because she was moaning in pain.

Peter had found Madam Hooch who was making her way towards the field and quickly took Cassandra to Madam Pomfrey after having carefully moved her onto a stretcher.

Madam Pomfrey ordered everyone out of the hospital wing while she dealt with Cassandra's injuries, giving her a sleeping potion so she could sleep the worse of the pain off while she put her arm back in its socket and cleaned the wound on her forehead. Within a few minutes, however, the doors opened, and Professor McGonagall appeared with a stricken-looking Severus at her side.

"I am not done healing her," Madam Pomfrey said sourly. "I told everyone to leave until I deem her fit for visitors."

"I understand, Poppy, but I must know what happened, so that I can take proper disciplinary action."

"I'll tell you what happened," snapped Severus. "It was those damned Gryffindors!"

Professor McGonagall raised a stern brow. "Mr. Snape I shall overlook that remark, as you are obviously upset over Ms. Arias being hurt, but I assure you if anyone in my house took part in this they will be fairly punished."

Severus nodded not believing her. The Marauders always got away with everything they did. Only pranks. Pranks were not meant to cause harm.

"I just gave her a potion for the pain Minerva. I would have to reverse it as she is too groggy to talk right at this moment. She will surely be in an intense amount of pain if I wake her. Her shoulder was dislocated badly."

Severus ground his teeth trying his best to calm down and not do anything rash with a Professor present.

"I understand but I must know."

"I have no idea why I am even here if no one ever listens to my professional advice," Madam Pomfrey muttered as she expertly reversed the effects of the pain potion. Cassandra started moaning in pain as soon as she was out of the dense, fog that the potion had put her under. She tried to move and screamed as pain shot through her shoulder.

"Do not move dear. It will only hurt all the more." Madam Pomfrey told her casting a quick glare at Professor McGonagall.

At that moment professor McGonagall spoke up. "Now tell me Ms. Arias, tell me exactly what happened."

Cassandra swallowed, her throat seemed like a desert at the moment. "Walking through field. James, Sirius. Had words. James took me up on the broom. Looked down. Shouldn't have. Going fast, circles towards ground. Got dizzy. Let go. I think I fell."

"Did you ask for a ride with Mr. Potter?" Professor McGonagall asked.

Cassandra tried to snort but her throat was too dry. "Big bullying git. Don't like them. Hate flying on brooms. Never quite got how to. Brooms are meant to sweep not fly, rather a nice big plane with a professional pilot."

Professor McGonagall gave a small smile at the last part. She blinked and saw Severus at her right and slightly smiled. For half a second she forgot about her arm and tried to hold his hand only to scream in pain.

He was about to walk out. He would teach them what happened when you hurt people that were too good to defend themselves properly. But Cassandra through gritted teeth and although she was seeing red from the pain reached out with her good hand and grabbed some of his robe.

"No!" She told him forcefully before he could go. He was not going to go and get himself suspended or worse. "They…" She looked into his eyes and cut him off. "No. You will not go down to their level."

He sighed, frowning and sat next to her. He had gone below their level a long time ago but he would do nothing to agitate her more.

"Can't he stay?" Cassandra asked Madam Pomfrey.

Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips in annoyance. "I suppose so but no one else!" She put a cup towards Cassandra's lips. "Now drink this."

Cassandra groaned, gave Severus a small smile and drank the sleeping potion as Professor McGonagall left to deal with the students from her house.

Severus was allowed to stay for a few hours but was shooed away for his last class of the day. James and Sirius were given a month's detention, as were Remus and Peter for not stopping their friends' foolishness. In addition, James and Sirius lost their Hogsmeade privileges.

Madam Pomfrey finally allowed Cassandra out of the Hospital Wing with a sling for her still healing arm. Unfortunately it hadn't been her writing arm so she was still able to enjoy the joys of homework.

* * *

She was walking with Severus towards the great hall about a month later when they ran into none other than the Marauders. What was with her luck lately? Honestly? Cassandra grabbed Severus arm before he could do anything rash.

"I'd like to apologize. It was only meant as a prank. I didn't mean for you to fall." James told her staring at his shoes.

"Great apology Potter." Severus responded in heavy sarcasm. "Of course nearly getting her killed wouldn't matter to you. She's just a lowly Hufflepuff who chose the wrong person to go out with."

James glared at Severus. "This has nothing to do with you. Yes, she has questionable taste but I'm apologizing to her, not you."

"Of course it has everything to do with him!" An exasperated Cassandra said. "If I weren't dating him I wouldn't even be on your radar."

James looked at her in confusion.

Cassandra groaned. "It's a muggle contraption which…."

She sighed. "Never mind. If I weren't with Severus I would be invisible to the likes of you four. Because I choose to go with my own wants rather than what the Marauders think best I'm subject to pranks and ridicule. Pranks can hurt James." She said his name in disgust. "Do tell me what's worse? A person who knows all about the dark arts but has not once used it to defend himself or someone that uses magic not considered dark and hurts those he deems beneath him with it?" 

She left James looking completely dumb founded at her words and strode towards the Great Hall with Severus.

They walked back out of the Great Hall towards the Hufflepuff common room.

"No." Severus said in his no nonsense voice, obviously knowing what she was going to ask. Why must he be so stubborn?

"When a person is hurt they are supposed to get whatever they want." She pouted.

"It has been a month; you are as fit as ever."

She groaned and stomped away not allowing him to walk her any further.

* * *

She couldn't help it. Her curiosity was killing her. She had to know what went on at those dumb Slytherin parties. It's not that she thought he was cheating on her. She didn't even know what it was but she was going to find out one way or another. She went up dressed in her Slytherin green robe she had gotten that summer after she and Severus had officially gotten together and went off towards the seventh floor and stood in front of the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy, who was trying to teach ballet dancing to a group of trolls.

It had taken all her sneakiness to get even this much out of him. The party always was in the Room of Requirements, but she couldn't get him to tell her how to get in. Spells didn't work and she had never been into the room before so she wasn't quite sure how it worked. She stood bewildered, scratching her head when a couple of Slytherins left the room and she made a dash for it, looking towards the floor so they couldn't see her face.

She looked around. The place had more green than the Forbidden Forest and she could see a variety of alcoholic beverages, some of which she was sure were against the rules. There were quite a few people snogging, but she didn't see what the big deal was.

"Well, well, well." Said a voice that made her jerk. He put his arm around her shoulder making her skin crawl.

Her speech became impaired by confusion. She was sure he had finished his seventh year a while back. She looked around, seeing quite a bit of students that were already out of school. She was sure they considered it quite a kick in the arse towards the headmaster to come back under his nose.

"If it isn't the little Hufflepuff and he told us you were too busy to come! Finally you grace us with your presence?" An amused Lucius asked knowing full well Severus wouldn't allow her to come.

He looked at her. "I can quite see what Severus sees in you. I bet you do quite well." He added with a smirk as he ran a finger down her cheek.

"Lucius." She heard Severus' menacing voice behind her and gulped.

"Now I hope you don't steal her away from the party, after all it is her first Slytherin party." Lucius told him with a smirk.

"We'll stay a bit but I can't guarantee it will be long." Severus answered coldly.

"Great." Lucius said and went off.

He glared at her. She wouldn't look him in the eyes.

"Look at me." He said, putting his hand under her chin and raising her head. "Do you know how lucky you are I was convinced to come today? You have no idea what could have happened." He whispered, his eyes deep menacing pools, his voice an icy river.

She bit her lip knowing she was caught. Of course she had not thought far enough to have known what she was going to do after she had gotten in. "I don't see what the big deal is. There's some drinking things that the Headmaster would not approve of and a fair deal of snogging. You made it seem like something illegal was going on." She whispered back but his gaze did not warm even one degree.

"You stay with me at all times"

he ordered. "We shall leave in ten minutes, not a second more."

They stayed in their corner for about two minutes before Lucius came back and told them she had to be introduced. They asked her a variety of questions that mostly ran along the line of her blood status. Thank Merlin she had done her genealogy for Divination class. Her grandmother, who had been adopted had, come from a very pure line, though hadn't really belonged to the family, since she had been adopted out, having been born out of wedlock. Of course, her grandmother had married a Muggle and out of all her children and grandchildren, she herself had been the only one to possess any magic. She wasn't sure why. She did her best to trim certain things out of her answers. She wasn't ashamed; quite contrary, she enjoyed things all things Muggle but she was not in the right company to boast how convenient their contraptions could be.

Severus of course knew all of it, including the trimmed facts. Unlike his fellow Slytherins, he didn't seem to mind. Of course, his father was a muggle. She heard something about the main entertainment starting early this time and Severus grabbed her arm tightly.

"We have to leave. Now." He said, hurrying her towards the door.

"Oh, but…"

"This is one of those times your infernal curiosity could get you hurt and I will have no part in it."

But about a foot from the door Lucius stepped in front of him, grinning. "Not leaving before the entertainment starts are you?"

"I'm afraid we must. Cassandra is not feeling very well."

"But we have a small something before the main event." He said, smirking. "We're all friends here. Why won't you share? Everyone else does."

Her eyes widened as she saw a few couples getting into some heavy petting. She was sure she was blushing profusely.

Then she saw a small Erkling at the corner of the room. Some of the Slytherins began using the Cruciatus Curse to torture the poor thing. She supposed it wasn't a poor thing since the creature uses its laugh to entrance children and eats them. She would put it up next to dementors in the evil creature meter. Yet it was still a breathing, living thing and her heart twisted. Before she could scream for them to leave it alone Severus lifted her up and rushed her out of the room with his hand over her mouth. She could hear Lucius laugh fade behind them.

She trashed against him and moaned but he used a silencing spell on her. When they reached the Quidditch field he walked underneath the bleachers and let her go undoing the silencing spell. The first thing she did was fall to her knees and sob.

It was night and the field was deserted so he was sure that no one would find them. He wasn't sure what to do. Wasn't sure how to comfort her. He had never been comforted himself so he didn't know how. She had of course tried quite a few times but he wouldn't let her. That had made her stop for a while. He was almost glad when she couldn't hold herself back anymore but still he wouldn't let her. He didn't know how.

When she was out of tears she looked up at him her eyes red from crying and watery. "How…" She breathed the words. "Could you let….?"

Her devastated eyes questioning him hurt him more than he ever thought possible. He turned away.

"And you've been part…." Her breath hitched. "You wouldn't even. We haven't ever and you…." "YOU BARELY EVER TOUCH ME AND TAKE PART IN THAT!" She yelled her watery eyes full of fury. "Sometimes I swear I loathe you! I make do with your chaste kisses and occasional caresses. With your never ending coldness because, because….." She pulled at her hair. "I've been such a stupid, idiotic fool!"

"I could have told you that." He told her swallowing back the bile, the hurt of loosing someone else. Just as he lost Lily last year. He wasn't meant to be normal. To be content. "I told you not to go. I told you, you could not handle it! I loathe your damn infernal curiosity! Your ideology that there's always some good in everyone! If I hadn't been there you have no idea what would have happened to you. You still have no idea; you only saw a very small part!"

"Yet you allow?"

"I cannot stop it."

"You take part."

"I have no choice. I told you before."

"You would have allowed me to stay ignorant while you took part…"

"It's an evil creature! Does it really matter? Must we fight about something not even worth our breath?"

"That's not the point. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad. It's a living, breathing, feeling thing." She whispered and shook her head as she walked away leaving him standing alone in the darkness.

* * *

Months passed. She would see him at times when she was walking to class or in Hogsmeade. She would catch a glimpse of him when she would go to Quidditch matches or walk around the grounds trying to move on. But she couldn't move on. She loathed him. She loved him. She hated him. She needed him. She was so terribly and utterly confused.

Usually she had a good sense of people. She knew he had gotten along with some bad people as he couldn't help the house he was placed in, she knew had made some mistakes and was likely to make more but she could not believe he was so evil.

Maybe she just didn't want to believe that everyone had been right and she had been making excuses saying they were just wrongly stereotyping him. It was not supposed to hurt this much. How she hated how she needed him, his rare caresses. How she hated how much she loved him. Beyond reason. Beyond anything. Why couldn't she let him go?

When had it changed? Severus wasn't sure. He had only started going out with her to try and dull the pain of the loss of Lily's friendship. He wasn't supposed to feel like his very being was being ripped to pieces. Not again. He couldn't take it again. He had always, always known it would be a matter of time. Now he had to see her going on with her life.

Sometimes when he saw Cassandra, he wished he could talk to her, take her in his arms, and brush his lips against hers. But she deserved better than him. She was too good for him. He would not ruin her life. And he hated it, hated her for making him love her. For making him need her more than he needed to breathe, for making him care so much that it physically hurt to be apart from her.

Cassandra walked the halls of Hogwarts, a mere ghost of her old self. She couldn't seem to find reasons to smile. She went to her classes, did her homework, and pretended to eat. It was all mechanical. No thought to it. She walked through the deserted Quidditch field. The sky was full of grey clouds, and lightning could be seen in the far distance. It looked like she felt.

Then she saw Severus sitting underneath the bleachers where they had last fought. His face was worn, devastated and, her heart broke for him. She had only seen him like this once before. That was after Lily. She remembered how angry she had been at Lily for unjustly breaking him, for not letting him explain, for believing what others said when she of all people knew better and knew the whys. Yet, here she was over a year later doing the same.

Cautiously, she approached him. "Severus?" she called softly.

He stiffened, and looked up to face her. "Cassandra." He said his voice barely audible.

"I've been giving things some thought, and I shouldn't have condemned you without allowing you to explain." She could almost believe the emotions she had seen had been a mirage. His face now showed nothing.

"There's nothing to explain." He replied coolly. She could not do this to him. He could not let her make him forget even for a moment she was better off without him.

She stepped towards him and he stood and stepped back. She smirked. "I swear I will bind you if I have to." He almost returned the smirk.

"How very Hufflepuff of you."

"Being loyal does not mean being a fool."

He raised an eyebrow.

She mimicked him.

She ran her hand down his face.

He turned his face away. "You deserve better."

She kissed him and for the first time in months she could feel her heart beat again. "Severus." She murmured.

He wrapped an arm around her waist his forehead leaning on hers. "You must surely have a spell on me." He said as he sighed. "It was a boggart."

She looked up confused.

"The Erkling." Then she understood. She feared nothing more than seeing a creature in pain. He turned his face "And I haven't participated in certain aspects of it. Ever."

"Why couldn't you have just told me?"

"It was for the better."

"What if you were fighting fate?"

"I had to try."

She frowned.

"I was miserable." He told her.

"When are you not?"

The corner of his mouth lifted. "More so. Sometimes you make me forget."

She smiled.

It had started to rain heavily, leaving them soaked through.

"I hate how much I need you." She told him.

"I hate the power you have over me." He told her scowling. "I abhor your curiosity."

"I loathe that you close me out."

"I can't stand that I can't stay angry with you."

"Nor I."

She looked into his eyes. She hadn't realized how much she had missed the dizzying effect they had on her. She'd happily take them over a spinning broom. "I love you." She whispered.

He lowered his faced towards her his lips brushing against hers, her arms reaching to hold onto his shoulders. His right arm wrapped around her waist as his left hand ran down her face and he deepened the kiss. Her breathing turned ragged and her knees felt weak.

She felt him smirk against her lips. "Do you hate it?

"Yes."

"Me too."

She smiled. "Too bad I can't let you go."

"Me either."

They stood there lips upon lips, under the bleachers that where once the scene of heart break, the rain pouring down on them as lightning flashed and thunder boomed.


End file.
